Tag Archives: tough times

Ready to Leave

29 Jul

After being in a relationship and you see things are not what they once were, one can only think, when is the right time to give up and quit?  More importantly, how do you know?  So after some thoughtful digging……here are some things I think about every time I think about ending it with some poor and usually unsuspecting guy who just doesn’t get it that he no longer maintains the ability to hold my interest.

When is it time to leave the relationship?

After spending tremendous amounts of time together and relishing over the commonalities you both share, there comes a moment when all of the exciting parts of a relationship settle and you begin to think: your partner’s changed, so have you and therefore your relationship has changed.  Things are no longer where you want them to be and somehow you’re at the point where you have given it your all.  You’ve tried talking about it, and maybe even tried counseling.  But, alas, things still aren’t working right.  You soon discover it may, indeed, be time to break up.  If you aren’t getting what you want or need from being with him, then it’s time to move on. Right?  Many people view this as selfish, but it can’t be good for either person when only one person is unfulfilled.  It’s better to let go and find a relationship that fits you than to cling to one that does not satisfy you.

Rather than use all of your energy to prop a sagging relationship, and believe me, life is too short for this, and unless you have kids together, not much consideration to leave is needed.  Or is it?

Some things to think about.

Should you break it off??

Now, everyone at some point or the other will experience low points in their relationship.  It’s normal.  There are those couples who work through these ‘tough’ times.  However, if you experience more than a few consistently low points over a long period, here are some ways to know that it’s probably time to (or that you should really consider) move on:

1. You’re no longer getting what you want or need from the relationship or him.  Let’s face it.  If you’re not happy, chances are he isn’t either.

2.  You no longer communicate with him.  Everyone has different communication styles.  But if you are spending all of your time in the relationship trying to communicate rather than actually doing it, it’s just too much work and it is definitely time to move on.

3.  You no longer look forward to spending time alone with him.  You may very well still have a good sex life, but you don’t talk anymore.  You prefer to spend time with other people to avoid being alone together.

4. You constantly criticize or micro-manage him.  If you’re always concerned with some part of his personality or appearance that you don’t like, don’t look at him- look at yourself.  People who are in love overlook minor annoyances and see the bigger picture.  If you find yourself looking at the smaller picture, you may just not be that into him any more.

5.  You begin to compare him to others.  When you love someone, you don’t compare them to others.  If you find yourself doing this, you should definitely re-evaluate your relationship.

6.  You try to change him.   Classic story, girl finds guy, guy has annoying habit, girl tries to change him.  Too often we ‘fall’ in love with men who don’t suit us.  If you find that you are constantly trying to change your man, it may be time to move on.

7.  Laughing stops.  Someone once said, a laughing woman is a happy woman.  Humor is something that every relationship needs.  If you no longer find his jokes funny, or you can’t have a lighthearted conversation, it could definitely be a sign that the relationship has lost it’s fizzz.

8.  You realize you’re doing all the giving (or even rarely, all the getting).  Relationships are about mutual benefit, or at least they should be.  If you find that he is benefiting over you, or you over him, it’s unhealthy and may just be time to cut him loose.

9.  Friends don’t want to be around you when you’re with him.  A woman’s friends have good instincts.  They may very well like him for who he is, but dislike the effect he has on you.  Our friends tell us the truth and are generally the first to see when a relationship turns sour.  When it’s not right, a good friend will definitely tell you. So listen!

10.  Feelings about yourself are no longer good.  Take a moment to think about how it felt when you first fell in love with him.  If the feeling is lacking when you think back, you may definitely want to take a deep look at the relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, nothing in here should be taken as a concrete fact that your relationship has to end.  It may simply need a re-evaluation.  If you love him enough and are able to communicate, talk to him and see what he does.  If he is willing to work on the issues with you and you actually want to, consider it your lucky day and do so.  But if you don’t want to or he doesn’t want to, there’s no use in trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip.  Recognize it for what it is and let him go.