Archive | Dating RSS feed for this section
31 Jul

The veil of hurt

The stab of pain

The humiliation of rejection

The hunger of yearning

I have endured for the longest now.


Probably not.

And this is my conclusion:

I still need you.




31 Jul

Believe in everything I do

And every word I say

No matter what the world may think

Or time might take away….

And believe me when my lips

Are trying to express

That what I really want from this

Is mutual happiness.


Ready to Leave

29 Jul

After being in a relationship and you see things are not what they once were, one can only think, when is the right time to give up and quit?  More importantly, how do you know?  So after some thoughtful digging……here are some things I think about every time I think about ending it with some poor and usually unsuspecting guy who just doesn’t get it that he no longer maintains the ability to hold my interest.

When is it time to leave the relationship?

After spending tremendous amounts of time together and relishing over the commonalities you both share, there comes a moment when all of the exciting parts of a relationship settle and you begin to think: your partner’s changed, so have you and therefore your relationship has changed.  Things are no longer where you want them to be and somehow you’re at the point where you have given it your all.  You’ve tried talking about it, and maybe even tried counseling.  But, alas, things still aren’t working right.  You soon discover it may, indeed, be time to break up.  If you aren’t getting what you want or need from being with him, then it’s time to move on. Right?  Many people view this as selfish, but it can’t be good for either person when only one person is unfulfilled.  It’s better to let go and find a relationship that fits you than to cling to one that does not satisfy you.

Rather than use all of your energy to prop a sagging relationship, and believe me, life is too short for this, and unless you have kids together, not much consideration to leave is needed.  Or is it?

Some things to think about.

Should you break it off??

Now, everyone at some point or the other will experience low points in their relationship.  It’s normal.  There are those couples who work through these ‘tough’ times.  However, if you experience more than a few consistently low points over a long period, here are some ways to know that it’s probably time to (or that you should really consider) move on:

1. You’re no longer getting what you want or need from the relationship or him.  Let’s face it.  If you’re not happy, chances are he isn’t either.

2.  You no longer communicate with him.  Everyone has different communication styles.  But if you are spending all of your time in the relationship trying to communicate rather than actually doing it, it’s just too much work and it is definitely time to move on.

3.  You no longer look forward to spending time alone with him.  You may very well still have a good sex life, but you don’t talk anymore.  You prefer to spend time with other people to avoid being alone together.

4. You constantly criticize or micro-manage him.  If you’re always concerned with some part of his personality or appearance that you don’t like, don’t look at him- look at yourself.  People who are in love overlook minor annoyances and see the bigger picture.  If you find yourself looking at the smaller picture, you may just not be that into him any more.

5.  You begin to compare him to others.  When you love someone, you don’t compare them to others.  If you find yourself doing this, you should definitely re-evaluate your relationship.

6.  You try to change him.   Classic story, girl finds guy, guy has annoying habit, girl tries to change him.  Too often we ‘fall’ in love with men who don’t suit us.  If you find that you are constantly trying to change your man, it may be time to move on.

7.  Laughing stops.  Someone once said, a laughing woman is a happy woman.  Humor is something that every relationship needs.  If you no longer find his jokes funny, or you can’t have a lighthearted conversation, it could definitely be a sign that the relationship has lost it’s fizzz.

8.  You realize you’re doing all the giving (or even rarely, all the getting).  Relationships are about mutual benefit, or at least they should be.  If you find that he is benefiting over you, or you over him, it’s unhealthy and may just be time to cut him loose.

9.  Friends don’t want to be around you when you’re with him.  A woman’s friends have good instincts.  They may very well like him for who he is, but dislike the effect he has on you.  Our friends tell us the truth and are generally the first to see when a relationship turns sour.  When it’s not right, a good friend will definitely tell you. So listen!

10.  Feelings about yourself are no longer good.  Take a moment to think about how it felt when you first fell in love with him.  If the feeling is lacking when you think back, you may definitely want to take a deep look at the relationship.

Don’t get me wrong, nothing in here should be taken as a concrete fact that your relationship has to end.  It may simply need a re-evaluation.  If you love him enough and are able to communicate, talk to him and see what he does.  If he is willing to work on the issues with you and you actually want to, consider it your lucky day and do so.  But if you don’t want to or he doesn’t want to, there’s no use in trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip.  Recognize it for what it is and let him go.


Who has the time?

29 Jul

As I sit here in my own bedroom, I think.  I like being able to sleep on whatever side of the bed I want to.  I like  not having to fuss and fight that you have more covers than I do and I’m cold and need.  Having my bathroom remain in tact and as clean as I like it to be is an added plus when not having a man in the house to deal with.  Most women I know would trade anything to have a man even say hello to them. I almost feel as if I have had my fair share of enough men to say I could live and be okay with not ending up with the perfect, happily ever after marriage that every little girls dreams about from the day they can first consciously think.  Wedding dress? Nope, not for me.

Being a woman and being single has its advantages that most married or boo’d up women seem to forget.  Sure you can have and enjoy certain privileges when being with someone, especially if they are a live-in at that. Men will kill the spiders that creep you out, go check out what’s making that creepy noise outside and making your dark at the same time when it’s 3am in the morning.  You also don’t have to worry about if there’s enough oil in the car or about dumping your trash with a man around.    But with them not around, you don’t have to worry about so much more.  No hair in the sink, refrigerator door left open. You own the remote and aren’t forced to pretend to be interested in watching the sports channel when you’re not.  If you want to leave your feminine products all over the house you can! Being a single woman you can enjoy your own bathroom.  No late night toilet seat up mishaps, or having to fight over space in the medicine cabinet.  And if I want to talk to my girlfriends all night long, I don’t have someone telling me I spend too much time with them.  Take a HikeDon’t get me wrong, this blog is not to bash men or to get you to thinking about leaving your perfectly joined together relationship.  I just want to get you thinking.  Did you lose a part of you when you became a couple?? I know every guy I’ve dated, I lost a part of me.  There was something about me that just didn’t mesh well with them and so I thought if I changed it, it would make things all better.  WRONG.  Changing me was not the answer.  No matter how many times I said the word “Duh” that annoyed jr high boyfriend, or couldn’t and refused to kiss 1st high school boyfriend, or never remembered to put my razor away with live-in boyfriend, me changing my habits didn’t solve anything.  I mean, what did putting my razor away have to do with live-in boyfriend maintaining the ability to keep his dick in his pants?  He still cheated no matter how many times I remembered to put it away.  And as for junior high boyfriend, even when I learned to stop using the word ‘duh’ not just cause it annoyed him, but because I was annoyed by it, he still found the next hot young 7th grader and I was a lonely 8th grader again….

Point is, dating…who has time for it?? Now that I am this sexy, savvy and fine-looking woman, I find I don’t have the time to put up with nonsense as much as I used to.  Now I would probably tell all three of them to go take a hike if they even mentioned I needed to change something about myself.  I can see it now, I’d look them in the eye, this after looking them up and down like they’re crazy.  I ‘d look them in the eye and after telling them off, walk away.   Taking a piece of me away so you can better like me doesn’t solve anything.  If you can’t learn to like the real me and EVERYTHING I have to offer, then you know what I say? I have no time to waste buddy… take a hike.